Monday, August 30, 2010

MERDEKA

Let's start with something faggy first before we proceed, shall we? I have not been eating a lot for the past couple of months but lately I find myself can't stay away from food! I think that I have now developed an extra chambers in my belly just like a ruminant. I blame her for making me happy and keep these food coming into me.



So enough fagginess. Let's be serious.



I'm sure we've heard it all before on the best race in the world.

Kaum apa terhebat di dunia? Kaum pertama sekali yang terlintas di fikiran mestilah kaum...



YAHUDI. The jews. They're awesome. Indubitably.



Walau bagaimanapun, ada satu kaum ni yang men-falsify-kan dan denied the statement.



Kaum ini beranggapan merekalah terhebat. Hakikatnya memang mereka memang terhebat pun. Saya pasti tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, pakcik and all the pakciks would love to know kaum apakah sebenarnya? Saya dengar mereka panggil kaum tersebut Meleis. Meleis usually boleh didapati di banyak negara di seantero dunia ini. Dekat UK belambak, dekat Africa pon ada, dekat China ada dua tiga kerat, dekat Australia dah macam buat negara sendiri. Mereka memiliki sungguh banyak keistimewaan antaranya adalah memiliki bahasa mereka yang tersendiri dan pernah menjadi lingua franca.



So these Meleis they are brilliant. Lagi hebat dari Jews. Mereka sering kali distereotypekan dengan ability untuk menyelesaikan sesuatu masalah dengan mudah! Simple solution to any problem. Lemparlah masalah apa-apa sekalipun namun mereka mampu menanganinya dengan cemerlang, gemilang dan terbilang.



Kalau nak comment pasal Meleis ni, boleh buat thesis yang panjang lebar dan silap tak silap, mampu menang Nobel Prize untuk new discovery on human behaviour! Jadi saya taknak memanjangkan post ini.



Apa yang menyentuh hati saya yang taklah seberapa wangi ini (hati busuk) adalah kehebatan Meleis dalam berniaga. Semenjak dua menjak ini, saya kena drive ke sini dan ke sana atas pelbagai urusan. Meleis memang gemar meraba-neking (rubberneckin') dan ia telah menjadi satu stereotype kepada mereka. So, saya merayu kepada mereka yang drive di luar sana tu, tolonglah bawak elok elok sikit sebab kalau awak orang accident, Meleis pasti dan confirm akan meraba-neking dan menyusahkan kesejahteraan saya dan rakan-rakan saya di jalan raya.



Yang acap kali menaikkan darah saya adalah Bazaar Ramadhan. Meleis gemar untuk ke Bazaar Ramadhan dan saya suka perkara sebegitu kerana dapat membantu peniaga, merapatkan ukhwah antara sahabat atau keluarga dan juga mencari juadah berbuka yang enak. Namun, perkara-perkara tersebut telah dibayangi oleh satu perkara yang sering kali menyebabkan keradangan emosi iaitu kemangkukan beberapa Meleis memilih tempat berniaga dan meletakkan kenderaan.



Dah taw jalan kecik, pegi buat Bazaar kiri kanan. Meleis yang pandai dia parking je. Double park, triple park. Cuba bayangkan kalau Meleis tu double park, then Meleis yang parking dalam tu isteri dia sakit ke, mak dia nazak ke, tak ke menyusahkan? Tak perlu consider org lain sebab mereka hebat dari orang lain. Ramai Meleis memang ada trait sebegitu. So jalan yg ada satu lane untuk pergi dan balik jadilah 1 lane sahaja, maka bila selisih kereta boleh membawa kepada pertumpahan darah. Cakap pandai, taknak ada perselisihan faham antara kaum dan sebagainya tapi Meleis dengan Meleis pon tak in the same wavelength. Kan senang pergi cari tapak yang luas macam parking lot ke, buatlah kau Bazaar tengah-tengah tu. Takda sapa nak kacau.

Jangan salah faham, I have nothing againts Meleis ni. Mereka memang bijak, pandai, arif, etc. tapi janganlah inconsiderate sangat.


SELAMAT MENYAMBUT HARI KEMERDEKAAN KE-53, MALAYSIA!!
"He gonna make you his sex slave. You're gonna gargle mayonnaise, unless we bust the massive monster mammo-jam. We've been thru so much shit, deactivated lasers with my dick. Now it's time to blow this fucker down."

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Here I stand erected!

To all the gentlefaggots out there, don't lie to me as if you do not know what I'll talk about. You and I know it damn well.

Guys, have you ever had those times in class when you stayed up the previous night watching your supporting team in EPL? You've tried so hard to defy gravity pulling on your head and to concentrate on the guy with moustache talking in front.

I am 110% sure that in this scenario, if I'm lying, I'm dying, that your little pee pee (I'm sure yours ain't that big) is working its way to get some air out of your brief. Yes, I am talking about a friggin' ERECTION. I have been observing this for quite some time (about 3 years), no, don't worry guys, I do not check on your erection. The only penis harmed in this experiment is mine. So due to this observation I am proud to present you a proposed Research Question entitled:



WHAT IS THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN PENIS ERECTION AND SLEEPINESS?

This is an extra information for the girls out there, guys get hard-on in the morning when they wake up. Due to the googling ability, I've concluded a few reason why.



1. The penis may be rubbing againts the sleepwear or the bedsheet (if you're sleeping naked).



2. You may be in the Rapid Eye Movement (REM) phase of sleeping. During REM sleep, we have a tendency to experience a vivid dream with little movement. Thus, both female and male genital will experience full genital engorgement (to ensure healthy blood flow on genitals).



3. The need of urinating in sleep could send impulses to the brain and may caused

misintepretation of the brain to a signal that arouses the penis.



So, with respect to above, I have constructed some reasoning why do OUR (I know it's not just me, and if you don't have the same problem that means you're erectile dysfunctional) penis erects during being sleepy.


Note that guys have erection not just because they are aroused by the girl's charm. No it does not work on most of us, including me. No I am not lying. Also, if you happened to be alluring in front of us and we didn't react the way you wanted, that doesn't mean we are faggots. We just don't care.

Back to the subject matter, erection may promotes sleepiness. As we are sleepy, we experience erection, thus, the erection will work like a positive feedback mechanism having to increase the level of sleepines. This is for the reason that erection of the penis occurs by having the penis blood vessels pumping with maximum amount of blood. It's muscle miracle tremendously work with the force of blood! As the rich in oxygen blood is pumping in the penis region, less oxygenated blood will flow to the brain due to the difference in location. Thus, less oxygenated blood to the brain will increase the oxygen demand of the brain and causes sleepiness.



What stays a mystery is to undo the erection so that more oxygen may be supplied to the brain. Urban myths said that you would need to knock on your knee cap rapidly. I've tried and it doesn't work. Some said think of homeless people but the brain is too slow to picture such. Extremist would put minyak cap kapak on their As-Syafah or worst, sticking it with a friggin pencil! Plus, having erection is not at all convenience as we need to cover them from girls and there's never a bigger size brief ;)



"And pretty soon all my trouble will pass 'cause I'm in su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-su-sugartown"

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Force

Sorry for the previous emo post. This could might make it up to you. It's something that I worked a few minutes ago. Enjoy :)


"I can only protect you but I can't fight a war for you"


Insomniac

The past 4 nights had finally roll me into a conclusion that I might be mildly insomniac. Well, perhaps the number ain't big enough but I think this is a problem. I think I need help. For the past 4 nights, the earliest I would sleep is past 3am and like now, 5:47am I am not yet asleep. Why, you ask? Well, to put it in a nutshell, 4 days ago I just lost myself a million, RM of course. I am on a brink of danger as my RM 1 million worth of scholarship is pulling away from me. So you lost a million bucks, try sleeping with that thoughts!

So what did I do the whole night? Oh no no. Don't get the funny idea. I wasn't streaming and wanking through Brianna Banks or Audrey Bitoni. Yeah, I know, some of you does. Oh btw, a little detour here:

I was at Starbucks with my mom, then it took quite a long time for my friggin Caramel Macchiato (I bet the barista was too busy doing nothing), so I went for some magazine. From the magazines that they got there I'm sure they purposely want guys to have hard on. Well, you know, some caffeine kicking in and a few 'stimulating' magazines. So I reached for FHM (obviously I chosed the one with the hottest girl on the cover). Then I went back and sat with my mom STILL waiting for my drink (which haven't done yet. Baster barista.). Then I opened up the magazine around the middle page then POOF! came out a two pages of Sasha Grey as the guest of FHM. Then the following conversation took place:

My mom (being a mom): Sapa tu? Artist ke?
Me (nervously): Erm.. Eh, Taklah, Pelakon.

So guys, when you happened to open a magazine and a pornstar suprisingly featured on it, don't act surprised or your mom might reacted the same. Oh and yea, Sasha Grey wasn't that revealing, for her I guess. Go ahead, click that name.

Anyhow, what I did tonight was that I watched Evan Almighty and also The Bucket's List. Well, I gotta get my mind off something so why not hit on some inspirational movies, huh? The Bucket's List moved me. Seriously. Seriously. It did took me someplace for a while. Made me rethink about life and the whole purpose, you know, those re-ass-ess things. Then again, in the end I still can't get a nice shut eye. I encountered this a few times like when I'm going out late at night and I don't feel like going back early, or when you're playing a nice online game, or when you just out having sex, or when you're hanging with some friends without worrying a shit about the world, or just a decent conversation on the phone with your girlfriend. The stuff that made you feel something is undone, you just can't sleep yet (doing assignments are excluded). Oh and I made up the sex part. Never had them. Seriously. Seriously.

Then I thought maybe it's the Nifsu Syaaban. It's 15th of Syaaban and it is said that on this night, the Muslims believe that the angels (Malaikat) would bring up our deeds book and bring down a new one for a new chapter. I guess I was just nervous how my last call for the year might end up but hey, whadya know, a new book is coming down now. Or has came. Ntah.

So refused to hit the blanky, I went down to munch a mini Cornetto. Fine, I lied. I had six of em. Poured some rootbeer in the rebellious stomach while tuning in to Simpsons. Then a couple of few shows.

Then I thought, what really made my mind conspicuously active tonight? Then I realised, perhaps maybe I am not conversing with anyone. When I am not conversing with anyone, I feel lonely. When I'm lonely I might be missing stuff or people or someone. Then it occured to me that I do need help.

"A princess can kiss a toad"
"Frog"
"Toad"
"Frog"
"Toad, frog, lobster, they're all the same"

Friday, July 23, 2010

God

"If there is a reason behind this, I'm begging You, give me at least a hint".