Sometimes I just wish I could be there on the side of those whom are dear to me when they had their last breath. Two incidents which really moved my heart. It is such a hardship to accept the fact but nevertheless, God knows best.
The first figure. Uncle Mi. Professor Azmi Bin Abdullah. A great uncle. A loving husband. He has terrific personality. A bit of eccentric. Can be cynical. An uncle and a neighbour. A giver. Not really a taker. He never fails to amuse you. A best friend of Papa. The source of amusement for Mama. A professional golfer. A dedicated leader. A responsible colleague. A man that cannot be forget.
Died of cancer which live within him for almost 10 years. Diabetic. He carries the insulin pen everywhere. Had hepatitis B. Can't share anything with him.
I happened to be around quite a while when he was sick. He began to be hospitalised. He was shrinking all the way. I remember visiting him in the ICU. He was extremely weary but he can still afford to make jokes. A strong man he is.
It was Friday. I got back from college and I was planning to pay him a visit. They said he'd gotten worst. That there's no chances and all. So i came back home. Papa promised me to go on a visit after Isya'. So I waited. My intention was never fulfill. He had his last breath right before Isya'.
What kills me the most is that Papa visited him the day before. Well, Papa was always beside him all along together with his wife, Achik. So, Thursday. Out of all sudden on that day, he was looking for me. He asked them where could I be. So Papa told him that I'm in college and that I'll be coming back on Friday to pay a visit. But it never happened.
Another figure. My atok. Dato' Abdul Majid Bin Mohd Din. A charismatic former CPO. A dedicated figure in the Special Service. Tun Razak's aide. A strict father. A friendly grandfather. A great colleague. A joker. A smoker. Never forgets his torchlight. Always swat away the flies while eating. Never get bored watching AF (i hate AF). An awesome grandfather. The one that can never be forgotten.
Hospitalised for quite some time. Can't walk for 2 months. Failed to respond to anything for about 2 weeks. The body system encounters some malfunction. Fail to generate normally.
I get to took care of him during his sick days. I remember the sleepless night in the hospital. Trying to stay awake by washing my hands for every 10 minutes. Took care of him at home. I remember cleaning him. Lifting him. Changes his diapers. I remember the sleepless night convincing nenek to sleep in the hospital. I remember being by his side reciting Yaasin for about 5 to 6 times a day. Whispering kalimah shahadah into his ears somes. I remember being in the hospital on mama's side. When mama cried and said to me, "I think he's going". I remember hugging her and letting her know things will gradually be fine. I remember convincing nenek that she did her best. That that was the greatest. I remember not going to class for a week and missed quite a lot. I remember his last respond when i told him that I'm goin back to college to his ears and he smiled. He made an effort to smile and he uttered "okay,okay", with such a weary and soft voice.
It was Tuesday. I just got back from outing. Went down the bus. Mama called. It was just a normal concern call. I promised her I'll go back to Bentong by the weekend. I asked her how's atok was doing. She said as usual, "macam tu jelah, Dede". So off i go. I had the weekend on my mind. 20 minutes after that. I received a call from my sister, ngangah. I heard her crying. Then I knew. I just knew. He had his last breath right after Maghrib.
I failed to be around these two when they were going. Then I thought, if i pass IB. Well, IF, of course I would be going to some other country. Then, what if others turn were about to come when I was not around? I could not afford not to be by their side. What if it was Papa's, or perhaps Mama's? I could not bare the thoughts. I wanna be there. I just hafta be there.
Al-Fatihah.
