Till Death Do Us Apart

Sometimes I just wish I could be there on the side of those whom are dear to me when they had their last breath. Two incidents which really moved my heart. It is such a hardship to accept the fact but nevertheless, God knows best.

The first figure. Uncle Mi. Professor Azmi Bin Abdullah. A great uncle. A loving husband. He has terrific personality. A bit of eccentric. Can be cynical. An uncle and a neighbour. A giver. Not really a taker. He never fails to amuse you. A best friend of Papa. The source of amusement for Mama. A professional golfer. A dedicated leader. A responsible colleague. A man that cannot be forget.

Died of cancer which live within him for almost 10 years. Diabetic. He carries the insulin pen everywhere. Had hepatitis B. Can't share anything with him.

I happened to be around quite a while when he was sick. He began to be hospitalised. He was shrinking all the way. I remember visiting him in the ICU. He was extremely weary but he can still afford to make jokes. A strong man he is.

It was Friday. I got back from college and I was planning to pay him a visit. They said he'd gotten worst. That there's no chances and all. So i came back home. Papa promised me to go on a visit after Isya'. So I waited. My intention was never fulfill. He had his last breath right before Isya'.

What kills me the most is that Papa visited him the day before. Well, Papa was always beside him all along together with his wife, Achik. So, Thursday. Out of all sudden on that day, he was looking for me. He asked them where could I be. So Papa told him that I'm in college and that I'll be coming back on Friday to pay a visit. But it never happened.

Another figure. My atok. Dato' Abdul Majid Bin Mohd Din. A charismatic former CPO. A dedicated figure in the Special Service. Tun Razak's aide. A strict father. A friendly grandfather. A great colleague. A joker. A smoker. Never forgets his torchlight. Always swat away the flies while eating. Never get bored watching AF (i hate AF). An awesome grandfather. The one that can never be forgotten.

Hospitalised for quite some time. Can't walk for 2 months. Failed to respond to anything for about 2 weeks. The body system encounters some malfunction. Fail to generate normally.

I get to took care of him during his sick days. I remember the sleepless night in the hospital. Trying to stay awake by washing my hands for every 10 minutes. Took care of him at home. I remember cleaning him. Lifting him. Changes his diapers. I remember the sleepless night convincing nenek to sleep in the hospital. I remember being by his side reciting Yaasin for about 5 to 6 times a day. Whispering kalimah shahadah into his ears somes. I remember being in the hospital on mama's side. When mama cried and said to me, "I think he's going". I remember hugging her and letting her know things will gradually be fine. I remember convincing nenek that she did her best. That that was the greatest. I remember not going to class for a week and missed quite a lot. I remember his last respond when i told him that I'm goin back to college to his ears and he smiled. He made an effort to smile and he uttered "okay,okay", with such a weary and soft voice.

It was Tuesday. I just got back from outing. Went down the bus. Mama called. It was just a normal concern call. I promised her I'll go back to Bentong by the weekend. I asked her how's atok was doing. She said as usual, "macam tu jelah, Dede". So off i go. I had the weekend on my mind. 20 minutes after that. I received a call from my sister, ngangah. I heard her crying. Then I knew. I just knew. He had his last breath right after Maghrib.

I failed to be around these two when they were going. Then I thought, if i pass IB. Well, IF, of course I would be going to some other country. Then, what if others turn were about to come when I was not around? I could not afford not to be by their side. What if it was Papa's, or perhaps Mama's? I could not bare the thoughts. I wanna be there. I just hafta be there.

Al-Fatihah.

Build God, Then We'll Talk

Regardless the inadequate hours of sleep (thanks to Dota), I was able to complete my 9 a.m. grounded slot. Surprisingly I even attend the etiquette talk with a very much retarded looking pants, it was longer on the left side.

*I was a sore-total-loser and a bigtime noob on Dota last night.

Hurm.. Humans would normally try to worry less so that we weary less. 18 years (well, nearly 19) of my life I would prefer to say that I did more wrongs than rights. They are both either in the norm range of the society or even to the stated laws themselves, by all means and any benchmark.

Being in a life where every single step is wrong, is obviously hard. Nothing seems to be right most of the time is just too much for one. How do you live such a succulent with those kind of interference? Well, it is pretty much your own fault if you do something wrong but hey, you and I know well that nobody's flawless. Let's do each other some favour-eh? Let's cut some slack towards each other. You did wrong, I did wrong but hey ain't that even? Oh, I did more wrong? Well, that's up to you to decide and up to me to applied. Hell.

Options. Just another shit-hole trying to messed with your life up. Ever heard of the Peter's Law, The Creed of Sociopathic Obsessive Compulsive? It is stated that 'When given a choice, take both'. Hell. You can never take both options. You're stuck. Once you choose either, you're far away from another. Bastard.

Don't get me wrong that I'm all rebelious or anything. I'm just saying my heart out. When you're getting further, there won't be very much anything to cushion your heart, led fall nor the callous sighs.

When you are left with no options, you want one. Then you screw things up. Well, not you. I know I did. There'll be that time in your life where you meet a point of limitation. When you are lack of options. When you just can't do any shit.

*Am I comlicatedly vindicated or simply defensive? Fuckaroo..

P/s: Don't run after something that you'll never kill but if that is what you want then fire at will.

Pretty Mouth Blue My Eye

Pretty mouth blue my eye:

1. BumbleeBee
2. Elvis Presley
3. Jude Law
4. Frank Sinatra
5. Optimus Prime

I'm like a doctor with the way I always trying to get off.

The holiday is over. Here are couple of things that i got from the hols:

1. I get to see Mama and Papa for i had not seen them about almost a month. God knows how much i missed them.
2. I get to spend time with dayana teaching kids in rural area.
3. People could appreciate you so much by teaching them things that they never know and motivate them for success.
4. I bathed my own grandfather.
5. People whom make 150 bucks a month could have a family. I seriously didn't know that such poverty exist in our country. I'm not ignorant but perhaps shallow.
6. There were more than 5 people that I knew and met died during the holidays.
7. I can never save my dough.
8. I can drive others' car up to 120km/h without license.
9. I can drive others' motorcycle up to 100km/h without license.
10. I wish i can have my license after i failed twice.
11. I am not productive at all. (Not in a way that i cannot produce offspring, damn right I CAN!).
12. I need a goldfish/cactus. I do.
13. I don't think i'm cut out to be a doctor.
14. "You can lose what you never had".
15. Memories could be just another sonuvabitch that would never stop messing up with your mind.
16. "Just because I'm black you think i did it??".
17. Holy shit i haven't touch my homework!
18. I'm alone in the college for tonight. Literally. Alone at the concourse now. I swear i thought i saw a ghost.
19. I missed Melawati.
20. Another two months to a 3 years relationship =D.
21. I listen to Hillary Duff. I am now.
22. I still and always will hate rainy evening.
23. James Blunt's songs hit me in the crotch.
24. Dashboard Confessional can be addictive.
25. I have not completed my grounded slot and therefore i shall this week.
26. There are too many pendings in my life.
27. Death is getting near.
28. ...

F.I.V.E.

Mitch Albom wrote a book on '5 people you'll met in heaven'.
Well, here's Manul's version of 5 people. '5 people that should be executed for life'.

1. Horsemouth
2. Octopus
3. Indeginious lady
4. Alien
5. Twin Dwarves

CHERIOS~~ ^-^